Hello my name is Bernadette and I am an introvert!
I was out at a business dinner last week and the topic of introverts came up. The lady next to me said she was told being an introvert is a myth and in fact learned behaviour. What followed was a very interesting discussion where I disputed this, I think there can be confusion on being quiet vs being an introvert, there are not necessarily together. As a social introvert, and someone with an introvert daughter the topic fascinates me. In fact I have given presentations to summits before highlighting how to thrive as an introvert in an extrovert sector, in my case the wedding industry. What follows is a summary of some of my personal views and findings.

What does being an introvert actually mean?
Before we begin lets discuss what an introvert means in basic terms. Its primarily down to energy, how we dispel it, and how we recharge.
It’s important to know that introversion and extroversion are fluid and its common for us to switch from one to the other at certain times. Rather than being polar opposites you will in reality display both traits.
Extroverts reenergise from peopling (potentially not a world but we’re rolling with it) , socialising with others, engaging in conversations and generally embracing the hustle and bustle around you.
Whereas for an introvert we need the opposite. Being amongst a lot of people especially with idle chit chat takes more out of us. It literally is draining us of energy the longer we are in this environment. Many introverts are also highly sensitive to noise and stimuli increasing discomfort and energy zaps ( I know I am)

Why can it be challenging when working in an extrovert sector like the wedding industry?
The wedding industry by its very nature is about joy, celebrating, vibrancy. Not only is it a lot of “peopling” meeting clients, vendors and attending the wedding. It invariably includes attending soirees, seminars and collaborating on shoots.
Personality types can be large and loud, (in a good way), that sometimes introvert business owners can feel unheard and overlooked.
We all feel the exhaustion at the end of wedding season but for introverts this could result in a mental break down if they have not increased the self-care.
Classic mistakes include:
- Attending multi day seminars then straight to work after with no time in between
- Working a wedding on a Saturday, socialising with family on Sunday, then back to work in the office Monday
- Inviting clients or vendors to call them at any time
- Not setting boundaries on how you wish to be contacted
- Taking on too many back to back events without support
The result is finishing the season not only exhausted, but potentially ill. If you are not scheduling in quiet time there is no way about it, you will crash.
Common misconception about the wedding industry in particular
A common myth about the wedding industry is that, you must be someone who thrives surrounded by people like an energiser bunny.
However, this is definitely not always the case. I know many introvert business owners who have seen huge success, the difference? They crafted a business that suits them.
The wedding industry is filled with both introvert and extrovert entrepreneurs. There is a place for both!

What works for me?
- A day of quietness after a wedding or event. My husband knew not to schedule any socialising for me. I wouldn’t even be able to talk for much of the day but only by embracing the solitude could I regain my energy
- No meetings on a Monday after a wedding. Ideally I’d book the day off but if in the office I would be quiet with no talking involved
- If attending a workshop or multi day seminar I would use break time to just head outside or find a quiet corner to recharge
- When attending a networking event (that I am NOT hosting) I would arrive with an extrovert colleague, after a few minutes I would then go network. I also would have done my research on who I wanted to talk to alongwith questions to ask. For introverts idle chit chat is the worse !
- The day after the recent dinner I attended I was exhausted. I couldn’t stop yawning which was worrying as my son had just returned from 4 months travelling thus I was catching up with him. And all I could do was yawn, despite the fact I had had plenty of sleep. It was only that evening that I realised my body hadn’t had a chance to recharge from the night before. No wonder I was yawning!
So although I can present on stage, run a training course, host an industry soiree, manage a wedding and talk to guests. I need quiet time after.

What steps can you take to protect your energy?
The first is being conscious, being self aware of what triggers your energy. It’s clear we can’t avoid people, that’s not the answer. But here are some things you can do to help you thrive increasing productivity and energy.
- Schedule quiet time after a wedding / soiree / seminar. Respect your need for alone time. Nothing is wrong with needing peace and quiet, even if it’s just five-minute increments.
- Embrace journaling, this allows you to order your thoughts, memories and ideas. It’s a great way to explore new business concepts.
- Don’t be busy for busy sake. Slowing down OR stopping doesn’t mean you are lazy. Recognise that there is power is quietness for an introvert. Its here your ideas will flow. Read these books to understand more about being free
- Sacred Success
- Bored and Brilliant
- Quiet
- Don’t accept cold calls, let it go to voicemail. I programme every client and vendor into my phone so I can decide IF I want to answer. Pre qualify clients by a simple quesitonnaure which then leads to your booking system for calls
- Adopt an onboarding system that pre-empts many questions from clients reducing the need for “pointless” phone calls. Not only does this protect your energy, it creates a more sleek service for clients.
- When attending a seminar or soiree, do your research as to who is going so you are armed with people to talk to. Bonus tip is have some ice breaker questions so you don’t need to worry about awkward silences
- Be intentional who you give your energy to, again learn to say no. Think carefully before over committing your time. I have friends who are so easy to be around, they know I might be quiet at time. Be open and have discussions about what works for you. If someone drains you of energy – well spend less time with them OR schedule quiet time after
- Build self care into your regular schedule, whether that is journaling, lunchtime walk or 1 day a week with no calls or meetings. Making family holidays non negotiable no matter how tempting it is to move and accept a wedding instead
Helping your introvert clients / colleagues
Be open about being an introvert as you will naturally attract like minded vendors and clients.
Advise the best way to contact you is via email / DMs / WhattsApp.
Listen to your fellow vendors, if they sound annoyed you called them, they probably are. Just because you love the phone doesn’t mean they will to. So ask, what’s the best way to communicate? How do you like to work?
If you have an introvert client again ask them, how would they prefer to work? How can you protect their energy on the wedding day?

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Further reading
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